Organic...

My room in maine, originally uploaded by PrincessEmily210.

OOH! It's been a while since I really posted.

Life is swirlllling by spinning me around in circles with my hair waving and my skirt flying around.

This picture was taken during my wonderful weekend in Maine. This was the room that Meredith and I shared. I still can't look at pictures of that weekend without being amazed- where would I be now if I hadn't gone that weekend? I remember the night before I left I felt so out of control. I had waited until the last minute and needed to pack, shower, get money from work, and run around doing all those last minute things. And I just started crying. I just let go, surrenedered to my own inability to do things on time. I ran a steaming hot shower and put David Grey in the cd player. I let the tears roll heavy and hot down my cheeks and felt an intense fear- I had just fallen in love days before and there was a huge blob stuck in my stomach that told me "if you go you will lose him." I went to bed late and antsy. Woke up entirely too early, the sun was just coming up and driving to the airport you could see it trying so hard to peak through the clouds and bring in the day. Security was insane, I got held up and waited in lines longer than I could ever have imagined- but finally I got to the gate. I turned my cell phone on and had a voicemail. He had called (he called!!!) and left me the nicest message I have ever gotten- "Hey it's me. Um it's like 7 in the morning, I dunno. I havent gone to bed yet, I just couldnt sleep and I thought maybe you'd be up. I can't stop thinking about you. Have fun in Maine, call me when you get back"
It was the first time anyone had ever told me that- that they can't stop thinking about me. The first time anyone took the time to care about me like that. It was so genuine.

I have been thinking about that night a lot the past few days. Thinking about how much I need to start packing early for my trip next week. And in the middle of clutter again I found myself two nights ago showering with David Grey and crying, and I thought of it. And I realized how much things change... He is coming with my next week, thursday to monday and it just takes my breath away. It's not like it used to be... We make love, but we don't talk. I love him so much more, but I have to keep silent. The fear is greater but the release (the surrender) is greater. More trust exists.

I am absolutely adoring these photos, more to come later...