it's hard, and it's weird...

the gals, originally uploaded by PrincessEmily210.

its hard, you know? trying to let go of the past and move on- to be on your own. sprouting wings and trying to fly then being pushed down again and again- by illness and work and drama from all around. but then he shows up- the boy who fits everything on my list- and it all disappears. the boy with beautiful dreads and the kindest soul.

i am so thankful right now, for everything i have.

merry christmas

Clarity.

Another mirror shot, originally uploaded by PrincessEmily210.

I am not smooth
I am not soft
I am not angry or mean
I'm just a little shut off

Shut off like the answer no
Or like the way water never holds

I want to be
Better than I am
Oh yes I want to need
Nothing but your hands
'Cause mine are so weak

My body it wants to move in
It wants to move in
And your ankles are so strong
I have seen you kick when you swim
You kick when you swim
This time I know
Yeah this time I know
That I am not wrong

So dry and cracked
My heart is set back
Yeah just like the moon
When it's a silver resting on its back

I will not say
Just exactly how I feel
Because all of the answers
Have yet to be revealed...
'Cause patience is stronger
Than any kiss
And oh how I wonder
If we're ever going to make it
Are we ever going to make it
*Melissa Ferrick*

A nice holiday cold.

i love emily, originally uploaded by PrincessEmily210.

"at the center of your being you have the answer, you know who you are and you know what you want" -lao tzu

I started feeling it before i left vermont, that nagging ache in my throat and incessant cough and mild headache... And tonight it hit me like a ton of bricks- i have a cold.

So I sit around and drink tea, make more new bags, attempt some patchwork projects, and i write and collage.

i'm off to clean my studio out, but i wanted to wish my wonderful amazing, beautiful pal, sabrina, a happy belated birthday!!!

namaste

Blessings...

Meredith!, originally uploaded by PrincessEmily210.

There are some people who are thrown so gently into our lives and we are never the same afterwards. they change and shape us, showing us who we can be, and who we are. they teach us that we deserve the world.

i had the most amazing trip to burlington, vermont this week to visit my favorite person in the world, meredith.

i feel refreshed and guided.

and oh so tired.

burlington. adventures.

sooooo, i'm not so much in maryland anymore, which is nice. i drove up to burlington, vt yesterday and i am staying with my dear sweet friend meredith and her boyfriend jason in their adorable house! i think i got to a point just before i left where i physically and emotionally could not be in bel air, md anymore. i need this space, this time, and distance to think about what i need to do to take care of things in my life right now.

I'll be here in burlington until tuesday. (except we are going to canada for the day saturday). wednesday i drive to amherst, ma to see hampshire college, then to boston to see evan, then i drive home either wednesday night or thursday morning. :-) it was supposed to be a longer stay, but i forgot to request off of work for longer, and i have to do my final for class on thursday. booo. but for now, i am here with meredith having a woooonderful time!!

A response to labels...

response to labels, originally uploaded by PrincessEmily210.

I think I'm pretty comfortable sitting here typing this and saying that i have never really labeled myself as a hippie. I think the idea of hippies is so far gone, so far in the past that the only *real hippies* are the ones out there with a cause- a cause other than "let's smoke some herb." and i think that nowadays it is really unfair to label someone a hippie- just because i eat organically, use hemp shampoo, wear patchwork pants, smoke, and generally care for the wellbeing of other people should not classify me as a hippie. Yes I am anti-war and pro-choice, but i am not a hippie. Tree hugger seems to be more of a fitting phrase, but hippie, no. By being called, or calling yourself, a hippie, you are automatically grouped together with the "hippies"- actual non-hippies. the kids out there who smoke weed all day and every few days treats themselves to some acid and listens only to jerry or keller. I'm not that person.
I started thinking about this a few months ago, long before those comments appeared on my journal. One of my friends was getting dressed and turned to me, completely seriously, and said "when i wake up in the morning, my first thought is- 'I have to make sure to dress like a hippie so everyone will know when i ride my bike down the street that i am a hippie." and i sat there thinking- how can you live your life confined to be one type of person? What if that's not who you really are? then what? you waste an entire lifetime trying desperately to be something youre not.