It has been oh so long since last I wrote. Too long to even try to cover the direction my life has veered off into, and then veered back and off and back and off a million times. So I will skip the catching up for later. I'm back... that's all that really matters!
I start school tomorrow. Not just any school, but a new school. I'm finally leaving the comfort of community college and heading off to university. i even have a big girl psychology major to go with my big girl school. it sounds so silly, but i am nervous. i feel like when i started middle school or (eek!) high school and had to start all over with no idea what to expect! I want my mommy and daddy to take a photo of me getting on the bus- only its not the bus anymore, it's my new subaru wagon for an hour commute. (i hate myself for what i am about to do to our planet!)
I can feel myself freaking out inside. The past week I have become obsessed with art school too. That was where I was supposed to go when i graduated high school, but life threw me in another direction. I'm totally cool with this new direction and gosh darnit i will finish this degree before starting another... but i cant get the thought out of my head.
i'd rather be walking to class with paint and canvas than textbooks and calculators. i'd rather be taking photography or printmaking than statistics and ideas in writing. but the fear holds me back. my father (bless his soul) agreed to pay for any degrees as long as i finish them, so why am i holding back from this dream?
1- because i need to finish a psych degree first
2- because i am terrified to not have what i need in life (food, home, clothes, things like that)
3- because really i feel deep down inside that i wouldnt get into art school, and even if i did- i would suck and fail or be criticized.
i need to go make a positive list, a gratitude list to finish out my night!
3 comments:
Good luck Emily!
the cool thing is you have a choice: you can choose to do psych, or art, or both, or neither...
perhaps you need this time with the psych major to lead you to a place you will be willing to leap from (into art school or wherever).
you can still be an artist without formal art training. just do a little bit every day (or every week) of whatever art interests you and you'll be surprised at the results.
and if you still feel the pressing need to go to art school, then go! (grin)
good luck!
Thanks for writing this.
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