New Photos, New Life....

kati, originally uploaded by PrincessEmily210.

"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them." - George Bernard Shaw

(found in the most amazing little lady's blog, alex the girl!)


I love to take pictures. i love the feeling of the dark room and the way the image slowly but surely reveals itself. But I loathe processing film. And I can never remember which will improve my pictures- high contrast or low contrast? (the picture is too dark, what do i do??) And I doubt my capabilities endlessly.
I want to break that. I want to live a fearless life. I want to create photos that i love, not just ones i know will get me a good grade. I want to play around more and not be afraid of censoring. The only thing holding me back at this point is myself. I must push, preserve, finish this semester and keep in mind- i can start color in the fall!

on another note-
I've been spending so much time lately feeling sorry for myself. I feel sorry for getting sick, for what i had to go through last semester, sorry for so many of my friends being lost or angry. I turned around the other day and realized though, this is bullshit. I was creating an alternate personality for myself. I was sad, annoying, boring, and selfish. At random times stoping myself mid conversation to apologize and say "I really dont mean that." because these things are such a habit now. Self pitty was like an addiction to help me get through some things recently and I can't shake it. But I'm trying. Oh, I am trying so hard. LEave the little girl behind who loved her tears and pain, discover who i am, who i was. who is really inside of me.
(and the more and more i notice it in myself, the more I realize that it isnt just me. so many people wandering around feeling like their pain is special. to them, if i could say something, i would say, "i've been there. i've felt that. we all have. everyone has pain. it is so important to look at our lives from alternative perspectives. you have to realize that no matter what you are going through, simply because of who you are and what you have not gone through, someone somewhere is in a more painful and desperate situation than you...")