california avocadoes...

california avocadoes, originally uploaded by PrincessEmily210.

i just woke up.
3.5 minutes ago.
to a fixed toilet! (yay! mine has been broken since i moved down to the basement last JUNE!)
after a dream...


it was the kind of dream where you wake up and for a split second you think "wAiT!!! that DID happen! i did see him and we did say those things. uh oh- what do i do now?" and then that passes and it all really was a dream. (though its all a blur so its so hard to say)
I have such trouble with dreams. I remember when i was little i had a reoccuring dream where my hosue burnt down. i remember so vividly, i would dream of sirens and huge yellow and orange flames. and then after one night the dreams just stopped. i think this pattern repeats itself- because it started to happen again, having the same dreams with the same general premis.
but here is where the trouble begins... i am so drawn to my dreams, constantly analyzing and interpreting my dreams, looking up the smallest detail in my dream book and saying "oh i dreams of an orange! i must be pregnant, or still fertile!" and so many of my dreams have come true after the fact. i get extreme "deja vu" very often and most times it turns out that i had a dream almost exactly like what i am living.
BUT...
then there are those that say dreams are the unraveling of our subconscious. all of the secret desires, fears that we dont even know we have, manifest themselves in our head every night- a sort of escape. and i cant believe both things.
how can dreams simply be a manifestation of our subconscious when they have come true... how can they feel so realistic and true when they are only "a creation of my imagination"... and most importantly, why do i feel like i just spent the night with my ex... and why do i feel guilty...

i guess there are somethings we just cant wrap our answers around... but for now, the metaphysicality of my dreams is enticing. or maybe just because i moved my bed back to where it was, sleeping peacefully under my dreamcatcher wind chime.... who knows?


emmielyles@yahoo.com