the last thing...

christian and ryan :-), originally uploaded by PrincessEmily210.

the last thing i want is to lose you... but i dont want to hold you back.

and it hurts so much sometimes to look in someone eyes and know that this is so impermanent. that i will be leaving in a few months and he will stay here. i wonder how much you can go through with a person before you simply cant live without them... and i wonder if i am reaching that point again. it seems that every minute with him is enough, and that i have to remember all of it so that when i leave, i will still have the memories...

but life is so good, and i feel i cant complain because although the past few months have been so insane, i am finding closure and clarity. i am finding guts and deep inside i am realizing i am worth standing up for, and learning how to stand up for myself.
i am justified.
i have worthwhile things to say.
i should be heard and not stiffled.