“And when I say you sucked my brain out
the english translation is I am in love with you
but it aint no fun
cause I don’t use words like love
you know words like that don’t matter
just don’t look so offended
you know you should be flattered…”
*ani difranco*
Soo, let’s be entirely honest- I’m really scared, really really scared.
I realized the other day how fitting these lyrics are to the situation with M. I keep thinking these things in my head over and over, I could marry him, I am falling in love with him. And he makes love to me and it all makes sense. But he doesn’t call. He just doesn’t call anymore… But there are no excuses (he used to call every day). And now finding out that his friends were saying things about me behind my back and not only was he not defending me, but he was agreeing. I know I am “better than him” and I know that I “deserve better than this.” But I don’t want better, I just want him. I asked after I left Friday morning- I just sat down on the couch with him and said so honestly, “Are you actually going to call this time?” he says, “yeah.” Me: “Am I just wasting my time with all of this stuff or what?” M: “No way, Im gonna call.” Me: “Promise?” M:”Yeah.”
But it’s Wednesday now, and still no word. So what do I do? Do I go over there and confront him about it? But when? When would be too soon? Would I look too desperate? Coming on too strong? (I know I need to sort these things out before the weekend of te 22nd, because we go to the Hippie Festival that weekend, I can’t spend five days in a tiny room with him unless we talk about this first, right? What do you think?)
So I’m opening up for suggestions because I’m a whacko… What would you do? What should I do? AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Thank you.
3 comments:
todays the day
There's only now
There's only here
Give in to love
Or live in fear
No other path
No other way
No day but today
There are so many times that I thought I was in love, because I really was...and I think about all the pain I had to endure to recieve that love, to be a part of it. Looking back, it was all worth it-each time...because it made me stronger and wiser. I am not a believer of learning from someone else's mistakes, but our own; because we each see things through our own eyes and take things differently. Do what you feel is right-if you don't know what that is-just wait-it will find you.
Walk on by! Seriously, don't waste one more second of yourself on this guy. I'm sure he's great, but he's sending you a clear message that you are ignoring because it is painful for you to hear right now. Accept the pain and the hurt, face and deal with it and grow from it. I wouldn't bother talking to him or confronting him or doing anything. Just walk away and don't waste one more minute! Don't go on trips with him, don't talk to his friends, don't call him. Just move on. It will be the hardest thing you've ever done, but you've got to step away from the addiction of love because what you have with this guy doesn't sound like love at all. Good luck!
Amy http://www.full-dazzling.com
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