No Words

Meredith, originally uploaded by PrincessEmily210.

"Listen how my heart beats inside me
the story of a thousand better days
and i wish i could say anything to wash away today
cause it wont matter when we're old...
it matters now."
*Jonatha Brooke*


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I've spend so much time debating in my head over and over again what to say in here- whether to talk about what has been going on deep inside of me or whether to keep it private. Do I share this torn, ragged piece of me with the world or do I keep it wrapped up and drown in it?

And then I realized there were no words to possibly explain all of this.
So do I try anyway?
I guess.

I'm running back and forth out of breath and stained with tears. In love with a boy who I need to leave, and realizing that I am starting to love another boy who has already left me. How do I make the right move?
I'm spending entire nights sweating without sleep because I am not happy with where my life is right now. I am not happy here in Bel Air, Maryland but I don't have anywhere else to go- no one to stay with while i figure things out. (But do I really want to leave him behind?)

And then I think, "Who am I to be so unhappy? I have everything. I am so blessed." But that just isn't enough right now.
I feel whiny and I'm sorry but it hurts so bad.