A little tidbit from my journal.. a glimpse of my "real life" lately.
"I'm walking down the steps and i cant make it. i break down into huge, gulping sobs in the middle of the stairs. what is happening to me? i dont even know whose life i am living. school and work and family are just not working right now. (I have freedom to make my own money to pay my own bills and freedom to have to fend for myself... but i am expected to be in by midnight and call to tell you where i am whenver i go anywhere...)
and mike... oh mike...
this is love? this is that insatiable aching of loss and what happens after love has passed. he is all i think about. i havent been myself since i lost him. i cant eat right, i cant sleep right. i feel like i'm fading (and i wish he would find me)."
Sunday, September 19, 2004
An entry
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2 comments:
Rapunzel here...
Oh dear Emily...I still think about my first love, where he is and what he is doing and whether or not he is happy (oh-I hope he is). And that was almost 10 years ago! I wish I could tell you it will get better-the only thing I can say is that it will change. Slowly, something will happen-life-and somehow you will find yourself in a place and wonder how you got there...and the only thing you will have left of your past is your heartache and wondering.
I feel so much for you...and I don't know you-but your heartache, that I know. Your confusion, your meandering and stumbling I know too well.
Oh... poor Miss Emily! I know it will sound trite, but please believe my sincerity, and knowing from experience, that you will feel better soon. We always miss them when they're gone - even knowing how wrong they are for us, we convince ourselves that we won't live without them. Just make it day by day. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, and one morning, I promise, you'll wake up and wonder what that absence is now. That's when you'll realize, it's the pain and missing that's abscent now, and nothing more.
All the best,
Amy
http://www.full-dazzling.com
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