At the end...

Letting go of love... of a lover.
Cutting the strings on years of
control
and lust
and pure, raw, passion and rage.

Such a dramatic time we had together, but every moment of it was worth it. My best friend and for a long time, the one person I could be fully myself around. And I let go, three days ago, by simply saying I didn't want "us" when he comes home. Such a simple way of cutting loose, but already I can feel I am not the same.
I had pictured the end to be loud and wild, like waves crashing on the beach during a storm catching you and making you terrified that you'll drown...
(but you still wonder:
Would drowning be
that
bad?)
But this is the end. It was soft spoken and simple.

I am forever confused and surprised by love and what happens at the end- and the beginning
and the middle.

I sit here and I wonder:
where will I go now?
who am I without him to love?
how will I pick up the pieces left
inside my heart (for a new boy?)?

*******************************

"I don't know if I will ever understand this ache. Perhaps it is simply + completely love and what happens at the end...." *Sabrina Ward Harrison*

(Only 12 more days until I see her in Maine and assist in her beauty)