Memory

I think it was in all the organizing that went along with moving that I realized the power of memory. I pretty much went through everything I own; every piece of scrap paper or photograph was deeply considered and thrown away. I was amazed at how much I had forgotten. I saw pictures of old friends like Savannah and Kevin- people I spent all day every day with and whom I never really talk to now. I found pieces of my childhood buried deep inside my closet and all of a sudden it all came back and I remembered everything- waiting at the bus stop, learning to tie my shoes at Mrs. Debbie's house, doing homework in Gina's backyard.
Lately, I have been second-guessing everything. Every small decision I have ever made, I have been going back and saying "I should have done things differently..." But yesterday I realized that I have been blessed. I have had such a good life filled with good friends and extreme abundance of beauty. Yes, I have been dealt a much harder hand than most people I know, but I also have been dealt so much more beauty and knowledge than most people ever see.
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On the subject of being dealt a hard hand at life- I spent Thursday night at Sara's with Meghan sitting out on her porch with lit candles and talking for hours. We were discussing children who grow up in the city and how tough they have it and Sara said "I guess it's that whole idea that God won't give you things he doesn't think you're strong enough to handle." I think that is such an amazing way of looking at things. Although I don't always know there is God- I believe there is something bigger out there and maybe I was handed this disease because I could handle it whereas most other people might buckle under the difficulty of it. Then I started looking around at the people I know who have had bad things happen to them (especially lately)- Joey, Andrea, Allison and Mrs. Joan, my father- and I realized that even without the difficulties they were thrown, they are the strongest people I know. They are the people I would list when I say "they can always see the good side of things" or "they can handle anything."
So although it doesn't make it any easier when bad things happen to good people, it is a different way of looking at it and maybe that will help someone someday...