Inclusive...

A major theme in my life lately has been the idea of being "included." I think as far back as I remember, I have always felt as though there was this club of people who really where "where it's at" and who "got it" and were "included." I have had such a fear of things happening without me and somehow I will be left behind, clueless. I will be the first to admit that I don't always fit in, but this idea has taken too much of a hold on my life. I spend too much time thinking "if only they would include me... like me... want to hang out with me." You know what? Maybe I should have been thinking less about them including me and more about me including THEM.

I thoroughly enjoy reading websites/blogs. There is a list of about 10 or so that I read on an almost daily basis. Jen Gray, Andrea Sher, Keri Smith, Christine Castro, Alex Beauchamp, etc... I have almost subconsciously grouped these women together (along with people like SARK and Sabrina Ward Harrison) and put a ridiculous label on them- "Women I want to be" or "Women who are living the life I want to live." And lately things have been based around getting to be one of them... It's like freshmen year all over again- trying to get in with the popular crowd. It was all becoming very overwhelming.
Then today Andrea made a post that really put it into perspective.
I do not have to be trying so hard to be one of these women. It's not that I can't be one of them- it is exactly the opposite... I already am one of them. Simply by being myself and living the life I want to live and being true to my creative dreams. So what if I can't just fly out to San Francisco and visit Andrea or Sabrina or call any of them on the phone to have a long meaningful conversation. That's not what matters. What matters right now is just staying true to what is best for me. And maybe if I keep doing that and I just happen to be near them, maybe I can meet Andrea or any one of them for lunch. Things happen in mysterious ways and I am realizing this now- I can't be living to fit some ideal that I have created for myself. I have to do what feels right and what is natural deep down inside.